it hurts...
Saturday, October 31, 2009; 8:52 PM
is this how my story is gonna start?
out of the sudden i feel that everything i have is so not real...
the way you look at me isn't the same any more but thats the past
i don't wish to live in denial any more.
i getting out of it! right now...
those great memories are just memories
not to be taken and not to be forgotten...
no one can understand how i'm feeling right now.
the feeling of being uneasy at all times...
i can only feel comfortable and relax when i'm at home or with my darling xinn
at the beginning of each day i just feel so dead
no motivation to do anything. as though i got no purpose in my own life.
han got her own 'island' having fun with her life.
darling is on her way to her 'island'...
for me....i'm sailing aimlessly
searching for the 'island' that i have the sense of belonging...
maybe i shall get more books to accompany me throughout my life? haha
there's something stopping me from doing the things i wish to do...
like a burden in my heart, like an unknown big mountain that block my way through..
trying many ways to express myself but everytime it seems to get complicated again..
i'm trying...
am i trying so hard to please other people and totally neglect myself?
trying so hard to understand what is their needs and totally forget about mine?
trying hard to fulfil everyone's wishes but not mine that is being fulfilled?
living in denial because i'm longed to be loved?
to control my temper towards other people so that i can have more friends?
taking note of every little details might be my strength? obviously is not by purpose..
i'm tired of being the person that everyone need help then they will come and find me..
tired of helping people? i don't know, i don't think so ba...
i feel that only when people need help then they will come and find me.
not because of wanting to find me, is because of things that can't be fulfilled then they will come and find me...
i'm sick of it...
few days ago, i'm really living in a depressed state of life.
mood really swings from north to south...as though i'm the compass in search of that stupid metal piece..
that metal piece really triggers me to the maximum.
maybe i'm in the state of early depression. lol...
i don't want to live a life of wishes..
i want a life that i can have the sense of belonging.
either towards my family or friends..
i want to do something which makes me happy.
i want to be happy..
i want to be happy..
i want to be happy..
i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want. i want.
i'm craving for that love...i miss you dad.
i miss you daddy...and i am super not happy.
i am happy, NOT!
it hurts to think of you, daddy.
it hurts when your image is fading away in my mind..
it hurts the most when i cry and knowing that you won't be back any more...
it simply hurts so much to cry for you...
\ SHARON ♥ /8:52 PM
Back to the top